criticism: giving and getting

[jrtom]

Constructive advice on how to deal with criticism and how to give it in ways that won't cause things to go foom! as a result.

Comments

[dandelionteeth.livejournal.com]

What an interesting pair of articles. Hm.

Criticism.

[fdmts.livejournal.com]

How dare you!

Oh wait, that's the "you so vain / hypersensitivity" articles. Never mind.

Once upon a time, redmed and I took some couples counseling. The single most valuable thing we got out of it was something that the person called Speaker-Listener Technique. I find that I drop back to it very frequently. It goes like this:

You take turns. One speaks, the other listens and paraphrases what they heard. An example from real life:

C: It upsets me when there are dishes left in the sink
J: You hate me! You can't stand me!
C: Umm...
J: Something about how the dishes mean that you hate me.
C: Just that when dishes are left in the sink, it makes me upset. That's all.
J: Dishes in the sink makes you upset.
C: Yes. Your turn.

It works in a lot of different contexts.