parenthood: initial impressions

[jrtom]

So perhaps it's time I said something other than some embittered reflections on the nature of local medical practices, and "oh, look! more baby pictures!"

One of the weird things I've noticed is how weird fatherhood isn't, for me. So far, it's not really complicated: change the diapers, pick him up and dance with him to turn the cries into baffled looks of "this universe is just so bizarre", feed him in the middle of the night most nights and at some other times. It's sort of like having cats--the requests for attention, the cleaning-up-after--but sort of not like, too: right now Corwin is utterly incapable of either meeting any of his own needs or getting into trouble, whereas cats are probably capable of doing both of those when almost this young.

One of the hardest parts, for me, is the occasional helplessness. We had some problems helping Corwin to get the hang of breastfeeding. (And while I still wonder how the human race managed to last this long, I now wonder less why such things as lactation consultants exist.) The first night was particularly bad: at one point, around 0-dark-30 or so, he was crying, harder than he ever had, for what seemed like an hour and must have been at least 20 minutes or so...and there really wasn't anything that I could do about it: Megan was doing the best that she knew how, and so was Corwin, and it just wasn't working. At one point I hurled myself out of bed and down the hall, and made a noise that I can hardly describe and hope that I never hear again--from myself or anyone else. I cannot express how glad I am that, even at that point, I did not feel any impulse to shake Corwin to get him to stop (for those of you who have never heard of shaken baby syndrome, the horror is that shaking a child will indeed eventually shut him up, but at terrible permanent cost which may not be immediately apparent). But it was among the worst feelings I've ever experienced, despite the fact that I knew that our child was not in any real danger. I mention this, as I said recently to a friend who's thinking about having kids soon, not because I want to warn people not to make the mistake I made, but to emphasize that I did, indeed, come out the other side with my sanity and my child intact. I say again, potential fathers: sometimes you will feel painfully helpless, but you will survive, and your child will survive.

Having a pediatrician for a father has been an amazingly reassuring resource. We have books, we have l33t \/\/3b-searching sk1llz, and so forth, but in our essential ignorance of many anxiety-causing child-related behaviors, nothing beats having a dad who has repeatedly made it clear that we can call him any time of the day or night to ask him about anything. (Our pediatrician, who not-exactly-coincidentally was trained by Dad, has also given us her home and cell numbers, but I feel more guilty about calling her during off-hours.)

I should also say that we've had several friends make similar offers of 24/7 emotional support, and we really appreciate them, too. It would be nice if they were physically nearby (if not present), but even if we don't call people much, it's nice to know that we can.

Update: just to make this clear, I didn't intend that the previous paragraph should be taken as a veiled request for more people to volunteer to be called at 3 AM; nor do we think less of any of our friends that have not done so. :) In any event, all offers of support are greatly appreciated, even if we don't take advantage of them (or you, as the case may be).

More later....

Comments

er um

[(Anonymous)]

that was me, quinn

Re: er um

[jrtom.livejournal.com]

I was going to respond by saying that, in your case, the all-lower-case thing is kind of a dead giveaway, but, well, observe t's post below. :)

regarding the birth story: it's locked to friends, by Megan's request, so you should be able to read it if you're logged in to LJ via your offspring's account. If you can't, email me.

I should mention that the "birth story", such as it is, focuses on a certain aspect of the experience. I should probably post another view of it, to make the picture more complete. It wasn't all like that.

Incidentally, other friends of mine that don't have LJ accounts may feel free to email me to get a copy, as well.