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jrtomSomeone I know posted one of those "tell me about you/me" memes on their LJ recently, and one of the questions I ended up answering at more length than I expected. I thought it was interesting enough to post here:
So, how much did it change your world to become a dad? Are you ready to do it again *2?
An excellent question.
I suspect that in a lot of ways that it's only just begun to change my world. I have younger siblings (well, close enough--it gets complicated) that are 16 years and more younger than I--as a result of which I got at least some experience changing diapers and being around young kids before Corwin showed up.
But there's a world of difference between being comfortable around infants (and toddlers, etc.) and Having Your Own Kids. It's hard not to be aware that some of the most valuable lessons that he'll learn from me are things that I probably never intended and don't even remember. It's even weirder to be aware that there will almost certainly be some point--I hope--at which he, and my other children, will rebel against me in some way and probably say some terrible things. And things keep moving along, and every day gives me another choice to spend time with Corwin or to work on one of the things that's always itching the back of my brain.
Am I ready to do it again? Well, I guess we'll find out. Somewhat less flippantly, I think that on a lot of levels I'm reasonably ready for it--I'm glad that the twins didn't show up first!--but that having two infants at the same time is going to be qualitatively different than one, especially since Corwin will still be there and have his own needs (and demands!).
It's kind of ironic: professionally, I build models, based on data that I've seen in the past, that are intended to predict future behavior, and to classify and describe stuff that I haven't seen yet.
Philosophically, though, I have a deep distrust of this kind of model, and am very aware that there are almost always external factors that I probably don't even know about, much less have the data to describe. The best that I can hope for is that my models capture some of the essence of the problem...and that I will recognize when the world has passed them by and that they need to be re-considered and rebuilt. (This is one reason why I like continuously-trained neural networks...but I digress, even for me.)
It's like that with parenting, I think. I think that the best that I can hope for is that I've learned something from raising Corwin up to this point, and that what I've learned will help me to learn what I need as things go on.
So, how much did it change your world to become a dad? Are you ready to do it again *2?
An excellent question.
I suspect that in a lot of ways that it's only just begun to change my world. I have younger siblings (well, close enough--it gets complicated) that are 16 years and more younger than I--as a result of which I got at least some experience changing diapers and being around young kids before Corwin showed up.
But there's a world of difference between being comfortable around infants (and toddlers, etc.) and Having Your Own Kids. It's hard not to be aware that some of the most valuable lessons that he'll learn from me are things that I probably never intended and don't even remember. It's even weirder to be aware that there will almost certainly be some point--I hope--at which he, and my other children, will rebel against me in some way and probably say some terrible things. And things keep moving along, and every day gives me another choice to spend time with Corwin or to work on one of the things that's always itching the back of my brain.
Am I ready to do it again? Well, I guess we'll find out. Somewhat less flippantly, I think that on a lot of levels I'm reasonably ready for it--I'm glad that the twins didn't show up first!--but that having two infants at the same time is going to be qualitatively different than one, especially since Corwin will still be there and have his own needs (and demands!).
It's kind of ironic: professionally, I build models, based on data that I've seen in the past, that are intended to predict future behavior, and to classify and describe stuff that I haven't seen yet.
Philosophically, though, I have a deep distrust of this kind of model, and am very aware that there are almost always external factors that I probably don't even know about, much less have the data to describe. The best that I can hope for is that my models capture some of the essence of the problem...and that I will recognize when the world has passed them by and that they need to be re-considered and rebuilt. (This is one reason why I like continuously-trained neural networks...but I digress, even for me.)
It's like that with parenting, I think. I think that the best that I can hope for is that I've learned something from raising Corwin up to this point, and that what I've learned will help me to learn what I need as things go on.
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(no subject)
Date: 19 April 2007 20:53 (UTC)This time around, if all goes as planned Sarah's going to be doing a homebirth. This is both really cool and a bit scary to me. On the one hand I have absolutely no doubt that if everything goes normally that it will be an awesome experience, much better than what happened last time at the hospital. However, if anything does go wrong in such a way that serious medical intervention is required I may never forgive myself if the outcome is bad.
About the meme, I think the most amazing thing is the perspective change. I knew logically that I would have to put Annalise first, but I wasn't prepared for how effortlessly and completely that became true. Every day is a bit of a revalation, as she grows and our interactions become more nuanced. I am also scared of the future and the rebellious and hurtful stages that I know are to come. I can only hope to give her enough of a grounding as a decent human being that she emerges relatively unscathed. And yes, I'm ready to do it again. :)
-J
(no subject)
Date: 19 April 2007 21:06 (UTC)Megan's technically due 24 June, but since there are twins they'll probably be coming out a couple of weeks early. We'll see.
(We'd originally planned on having probably 3, but hoped to have at least one girl. Since apparently all 3 are boys, this is now somewhat more up in the air.)
Good luck with the home birth. I remember reading Sarah's account of how things went last time. I'd be willing to give home birth a chance...but since Megan has already had a Caesarian, and we have twins coming, it's probably best that we do it at the hospital. (We may end up having another Caesarian anyway.)
I assume that you guys are within a relatively short distance from the hospital in case you need one, so I wouldn't really worry about that. I'm sure that your midwife is aware of the possibility and will be prepared to help get you guys there if that's necessary.
Anyway, good luck with that. Incidentally, do you know the sex of your impending offspring (and are you willing to divulge it)?
PS: Your icon kicks ass. ;)
(no subject)
Date: 19 April 2007 23:04 (UTC)We're about 20min from the nearest hospital, 15 if you don't care about getting a ticket. :) It's not just around the corner, but it's close enough. I wanted to know the gender, but Sarah nixed me - she has veto power in that realm. We'll let you know as soon as we find out. Speaking of birth in general, there was an interesting article I came across recently (http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/10/09/061009fa_fact).
PPS: The icon is straight from
(no subject)
Date: 20 April 2007 00:10 (UTC)It's probably just as well that we found the genders out ahead of time; not only does it simplify the name search process (we'd have had to come up with at least 3 sets otherwise :) ) but, as I said, we really wanted a daughter...and finding out that we had two more sons at the moment(s) of birth would have been a bit much.